There is a Whole Wolrd to Explore

I want to give this paper grade 4.
Pamela Gardner’s writing is organized well. Most paragraphs are arranged in adequate order. In the first paragraph, I could know exactly what the thesis statement is. He mentioned what he wants to notice well in the first paragraph.

However, after mentioning the thesis statement, I think the essay did not need the second paragraph. Of course it is good to know how he goes to Brazil but it is not related to the topic. In addition, the flow between the second and third paragraph is not natural.

When he mentioned Brazilian’s struggling to regain their land, I could understand why this part is mentioned. But it was too long compared to the next paragraph that is mentioning important things that he learned. The history made me think I was reading other papers.

Despite a few errors, the writing has many ideas that support his thesis. Whole flow and rhythm was adequate and some photos were used effectively.